A few weeks ago, while I was worshipping the Lord and basking in His presence, I had one of the most profound experiences I’ve had in a while. The theme of the session was, ‘Being Holy before God’. There were periods of reflection and introspection as we asked the Holy Spirit to shine a light on those areas of our lives that weren’t pleasing to Him, and give us the grace, patience and ability to fix them.

As I sat quietly, the Holy Spirit gently and lovingly whispered the most astonishing words to me. He said, “You live in a constant state of fear. Your actions subconsciously revolve around your fears. Even some of your habits and actions that appear to be positive and admirable are fear based.” I was shocked! Honestly, I never saw that one coming, but I was grateful that He took the time to reveal my brokenness so that I could be renewed and made whole.

Over the next few weeks He pointed out areas in need of repair and provided opportunities and resources to fix them. I’ll share a few with you.

Firstly, I’m a hard worker, I am always prepared and ready to go on cue. I rarely take time off and occasionally stay late if necessary. For example, recently, during the first 6 months of a journey through a debilitating illness, I took only 3 days off: I plugged through and showed up prepared every day. I was dependable, passionate and a team player. Those are good qualities right? Possibly, but not when the underlying motive is fear. The fear of not measuring up and being found wanting, (especially when I know people who would gladly commute 2 hours one way to fill my position), was my driving force. I love that God looks past our fluffy and frilly facades, and sees our hearts. He knows our intentions and motives even when we ourselves are totally clueless.

Here’s another example. I pay my bills ahead of time. I mean seriously ahead of time. Most of my recurring bills are paid up about 6 to 8 months ahead. Yet another admirable habit that’s actually scriptural in terms of not being in debt, right? Seemingly, but again, the issue lies in the heart reason for paying ahead. The Holy Spirit showed me that it stems from a fear of one day losing my job and financial resources. I pay ahead so I’ll have a head start if that imagined scenario ever became a reality. Please don’t misunderstand me, it is very prudent to prepare for future eventualities, but my actions here aren’t about being financially astute, they’re about being afraid and therefore failing to trust God.

Here’s another. I hold on to things. I tell myself that they have emotional significance, but the ruling emotion involved is… you guessed it… fear. A fear that I’ll need them eventually and I won’t be able to locate or purchase them.

Does anything I’ve shared so far ring a bell for you? Can you relate? If yes, please pause right now and ask the Holy Spirit to help you fix it. Understand that ‘you fixing it’ really means Him ‘fixing you’, possibly with your cooperation, but without it if necessary. It’s a very vulnerable posture to assume, but just remember that He loves you unconditionally.

I’ll share one more. I absolutely hate tests. Preparing for any type of exam drives me nuts, yet anyone who really knows me, knows that I’m an excellent test taker. I methodically and intently study for tests to ensure that I get 100% or as close to it as possible. Well according to the Holy Spirit, that too stems from fear. Here’s the background: in 2nd Form (8th grade). I wasn’t prepared for a history test and the night before, the fear of failing the test led me to memorize the entire notebook. I mean, word for word. I didn’t even know I had that ability. Of course I got 100% because I knew it all and could recite it to the teacher if he requested.

Today, I’m so nervous during tests that I cough sporadically from start to finish. I can read your mind: I too would hate to be in a testing room with me. Because of the fear of failure, I’ve memorized entire textbooks and I’ve even found errors in texts written by my professors. I usually study at least 3 versions of any content I’m to be tested on to ensure that I truly understand it, so I can identify if the facts in one version don’t quite match up. Again, it seems awesome to be able to memorize large quantities of content, but it’s not really awesome when the heart posture is fear.

The Holy Spirit has continued to reveal and root out those things in my life that are based on fear. As I continue to spend time in His presence He continues to heal and renew me where I didn’t even know I needed it.

He’s also provided amazing and sometimes instantaneous answers to prayers as a reminder and affirmation that I can trust Him to do as he promised in His word.

This week, He took me back to 2 Timothy 1:7 and reminded me that the Holy Spirit who lives in me doesn’t make me fearful but gives me power, love and self-control. I’m updating an article I wrote some years ago, on the same scripture, and hope to post it soon.

If you haven’t been doing it, I want to challenge you to intentionally begin spending quality, focused, attentive time in God’s presence and allow Him wash you with His word and ‘spotlight’ habits and various areas of your life, in order to remove or heal your brokenness.

I believe this is a time when God is preparing His bride, His church, for His return so that we’ll be ready to ‘stand before Him without spot or blemish.’ Let’s allow Him to purge, renew and purify us, to carefully examine every detail of our lives, and expose and reorient everything that is not in alignment with His purpose and His word.

Fear may be the least of your flaws, but I pray that as you read this, the Holy Spirit will prompt you about areas in your life that don’t please him, so that He can renew you and make you whole.

Purification and renewal happen in God’s presence. Sin and infirmity can’t withstand the flames of the refiner’s fire. I encourage you to pause now and carve out some time in your busy life to spend in His presence. Determine to be ‘fully there’ during those times and allow Him to do what He needs to do in you.

“Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation (renewal) of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.” Matthew 12: 2 TPT

Be blessed!